FAN MAIL FRIDAYS: On Fighting Online

How's everyone? I hope you're all safe. It might not be raining so hard in Metro Manila (at least here in Makati), but just to be sure, let's just stay indoors and wait for this super typhoon to pass. Let's not forget to pray for Visayas as well as the other heavily affected parts in the Philippines.

Our fan mail fridays for today is from Katrina. Read on, especially for bloggers out there.

Hi Ms. Martha 
I'm a huge fan of your blog, and I also love watching the videos of (Beauty Vlogger 1) and (Beauty Vlogger 2). They're currently having this argument on their channels and social media accounts and it's making me sad. :( I'm a fan of the two and it saddens me because they can't seem to be at peace with each other and even their subbies are quarreling already. What can you say about this, being one of the older (pardon the term hihi) bloggers in the blogosphere. 

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Hi Katrina,

Very good question. I hope you don't mind, but I have removed the names of the Beauty Vloggers in question to protect their identities. Besides, I am not in the position to say anything about their situation as I really don't know how their fight started. Even if I do know a part of it, still, I don't have any right to say anything because I am clearly not part of it.

The pressing issue here is about bloggers fighting with each other online, using their blogs as a battleground to assert their right and reason. I'm no saint-some of my long- time readers here know that I've had my share of cringe- worthy blog posts about my first (and last) quarrel with some blog readers in 2009. I may have regretted my actions, but I'm glad it happened because it taught me a very valuable lesson.

So do you really have to take it to the public and fight on your blogs? A majority will say that it is alright because it is human instinct to fight and defend yourself, but I do believe in the old adage that goes: You make the worst decisions when you're very happy, very sad, or very angry. Fighting back publicly is not always the best way to solve all problems and I will tell you why.

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If you're a beauty, fashion, lifestyle, or whatever blogger, you have to accept the fact that you are putting yourself out in the open, thus you are prone to trolls, bashers, spammers, but don't be disheartened because there are still those who are willing to support you. Bloggers are technically considered as personalities and I am referring to any blogger, big or small as long as you have an audience. If you're the type who doesn't care about whatever that comes out of your mouth and prefers to just be you, then suit yourself. However, if you are looking at leveling up yourself and your blog in the near future, it's best to keep your record straight-there may be a few setbacks, but try your best to keep.your.record.straight. If you have big dreams for your blogs, carve a good path. Set a good example.

But I don't care if you want to be a superstar or not. The issue here is, you have an audience, therefore you have to be responsible. Your readers go to your blog or channels to de- stress and to take a break from all the negative things they see and hear everyday. So be the bearer of light and leave 'em out of your rut and settle everything between you and the concerned party because after all, it's only between you and your enemies. Drop the herd mentality. Whatever that is, I believe you can settle it privately and peacefully. This is not being showbiz-this is professionalism. Well, if you still choose to go public and fight for everyone to see, don't complain and wonder why you're losing readers and followers, and why everybody seems to hate you. You get what you give, yes I believe that that is the universal law. Remember, most people will judge you based on how you present yourself on your blog or channel. You can be a good person in real life, but you can end up being misinterpreted if you're not careful with your actions.

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I think most blogger conflicts stem out from comparison. It is inevitable that you will sometimes be compared to your contemporaries, but really, should that bother you? We all have different sets of skills and talents and we all compliment each other. Besides, that is just their opinion, not yours so don't make it yours, if you know what I mean. Compare yourself to no one but the person in front of the mirror.

I guess this tip won't work for anyone-as I said, you and I are different, therefore we tackle our issues differently. If you really feel that you are being compromised and there is already the need for you to air out your side, then do so-but do it professionally: Don't bash. Don't call the person names. Don't dig for skeletons in his/her closet. Say your piece then walk away. If you are not really the guilty one or if the rumors are not true, there's no need for you to over explain. Those parinigs over Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or wherever don't give you the edge-I think they make you look childish. Respect yourself. Respect your privacy.

Fighting on blogs or on any social media platform doesn't only create a toxic atmosphere, but also nurtures a culture of hate. I guess what I'm really trying to say is, you can always settle conflicts in a classy manner, and real strength is not measured by how often you wear it on your sleeve. 

**Got a burning question about makeups, skin care products, beauty, dieting, and health tips, relationships, and whatever? Just send them to or shoot 'em up at The Beauty Junkee's FB Fan Page via the MESSAGE button and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. (Please, do not send me Math- related queries. :D)

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12 Lovely Thoughts

  1. Very well said Ms. M, these days people around the social media sites tends to be judgemental and make an easy way to bash and say hurtful words towards everyone however, just like what you have said, i also saw it with my two eyes that these vloggers keeps posting words towards each other and their subbies tends to fight for their idols too so it makes the issue bigger... Bringing this issue, i guess it is really better to focus on your own step on achieving success than to listen and defend their selves in public if they knew who they are and whats the truth... The people looks up to them and so its up to them if they want the people respect them or misinterpret them...

  2. Suddenly my level of admiration to you was raised. It's nice to know someone who have learned from her pass experience. I hope that other bloggers will be able to read this.

  3. Nice post! I am no saint either, and have posted some nasty things on my facebook wall, but I learned from it, and instead of posting anything bad or negative online, I just keep it to myself, or talk to anyone to help me. Positive vibes lang dapat! :)

  4. That's a very mature way of thinking, and I really admire you for sharing your thoughts. I find it really alarming that some of the popular blogs these days are from really young people, and it is inevitable that some will not be that mature. I really like that you admitted you fell for it once, but that you learned from it and clearly it shows. Like Cee above, I do also hope that many bloggers see this and learn from it.

  5. I totally agree with you. I myself refrain from naming, or even bursting too much when I am a bit emotional because you tend to do or say things without thinking. If I have to say anything, I would normally just personally message the involved rather than replying to a post. It will be up to the other person, if she/he will act accordingly.
    In the end, the person who says less gets the majority... don't you think?

  6. Wisdom helps you how to choose your battles.Hurt people hurt people. So always make yourself BIG and filled with Love para you can shower love despite any circumstances. Fighting nowadays serves as entertainment for many people so wag mo hayaan na pagpyestahan ka.

  7. Such a cool advice. Keep it up dear!

  8. Every blogger should definitely read this well-written post of yours. You nailed it. I also admire you for admitting your faults in the past and learning from it. I hope others will follow.

  9. I don't get why people choose to lash out as someone on a public online platform. To me it seems more a bid to try and get more attention than a genuine reaction.

  10. trulalu ms m. siguro others wants t know kung maraming panig sa knila.. sad.. wag sana nating gamitin ang blog and other social network pra dun magaway.. kasi parang pinakikita lang nila anu ang kanilang level. dunno sino ang sinasabi dito na nagaaway but ang alam ko, ang blog ay ginawa para magshare ng MAGAGANDANG BAGAY sa iba =)

  11. I think you've said it all. I really liked this post. All of your advice speaks to being kind and authentic. I hope people who are guilty to this will realize how their image is being affected. Acting your age is no hard at all. To add on this, I personally think that insecurities play a big part on this issue as well.

  12. Leilani: Thank you. Yes, Insecurity is another factor here. I guess some people should accept the fact that there will always be people who are greater and lesser than them.

    Kissandmakeupsbeautyblog: Yeah, I sometimes think that it's one of the reasons too.

    Rhain: Yeah. I'd rather spread love than hate.

    Hazel: Thanks!

    Pink Magaline: Thank you!

    Stephanie: Agree! Those who fight are hurt one way or another, but I believe you can always get up and leave the hurt behind and just be a peaceful being. That is, if you really want to leave all the negative things behind.

    Winnie: Yes. Being quiet about it doesn't always mean you're guilty-it just shows that you're mature enough to handle your battles responsibly.

    Becomingsleek: Thank you dear. I guess they're just that-they're young. They'll learn their lessons one day. :)

    Juvy: True! There's so much hate in this world already, so I hope we'll all just try our best to spread more love! :)

    Cee: Welcome to my blog! Thank you. :)

    MM: Hi and welcome to my blog! I guess age really gives you a better perspective! I just hope that their fight would end. :)


Thank you for your comments!