COFFEE CONVERSATIONS: JUDGING

My hubby and I always have wonderful conversations whenever we're enjoying a cup of joe to wrap up our day. I like men who can talk about anything under the sun. And it's one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. :)

In one of our recent conversations, we talked about "Judging".

Photo Credits: sodahead.com

Here's an interesting story that will put more sense into what I'm going to talk about. This story is from one of Jack Canfield's Chicken Soup for the Soul book series. It's not in verbatim. But the story pretty much goes like this:

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It's another busy moment during the rush hour in a subway station. A man with three kids descended from the stairs and sat down in one of the benches. The kids were hell noisy and they were running, screaming, and playing in the subway. When the next train came, the man and his kids boarded inside the train. The man sat in one of the seats and the kids continued running around, climbing the poles, and hanging on the bars. The other passengers were so irritated because they didn't expect to see such a riot before going home after a hard day's work. What irritated them the most is that the man, who seemed to be the father, didn't seem to care. He just stared at blank space and he seemed deaf to all the noise that his kids are making.

One of the irritated passengers came up to the man and told him:

"Sir, your kids are so noisy and they're causing so much stress to the other passengers. Won't you at least tell them to shut up and make them sit down?"

All of a sudden, the man bursted into tears. He replied in a shaky voice:

"My wife just died. And my kids don't know. I don't know how to tell them."

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Why are we so quick to judge others? Why do we judge others merely by shallow criteria such as their looks, behavior, and the way they carry themselves?

Because judging is easier than giving praise. We deny ourselves the fact that sometimes, others seem better than us. And we can't admit that to ourselves. So we resort to judging. That way, we feel much better. It is human nature to always feel the need to pull down someone. And of course, it would be silly to do that to ourselves! So we look at other people and criticize, judge, and diss them to our heart's content. We justify ourselves by wronging others. We sink into this disillusion of feeling more superior or God- sent by looking at every single flaw of a person. Just so we didn't know, judging is a sign of insecurity.

"Ano ba yan. Mukhang isda sa picture!"

"Ano ba 'tong katabi natin. Walang class kung tumawa!"

"Tingnan mo yung girl. Mukhang trying hard mag-damit! Feeling mayaman!"

"My gosh, feeling naman nitong taong 'to celebrity siya! Kung makapag- ladlad ng buhay sa internet! Feeling masyado!"

What baffles me the most is that most, if not all of us, deny that we are judging others! If we were to record and trace our daily thoughts from the time we first learned how to talk, we would be surprised to know that 40% of our daily thoughts are about judging other people and situations. And as we get older, the percentage increases! So probably by now, 300% of our thoughts are focused on judging!

But have we ever asked ourselves why a certain person laughs that way? Or why this girl dresses that way? Or why this person talks so much about himself in the internet?

What if you find out that this person laughs this way because his father just died yesterday? Or this girl dresses this way as a result of a violent past? Or this person has thoughts of committing suicide, and the only way for him to live is to get sympathy from the cyberworld? Would you still judge them?

Journey, my friends. Before we judge other people, let us first consider that a particular person must be having a journey in his/her life right now, and it's affecting his/her thoughts, behavior, and physical appearance.

It's Friday night out with the girls, and they notice that you're feeling sad and blue. Then you tell them that your iPhone 4 was snatched from you while you were about to take a call at the side of the road. And they don't judge you for being a cloud of negative energy in their midst. Because they understand that you're having a journey. And sometimes, it's easier for us to understand those who matter to us, rather than judging them first. Imagine, if we treat everybody as our equal, our brothers, our families, our friends, then there would be no war that would kill those whom we consider as terrorists. There would be no apathy among our race. And there would be no discrimination just because a majority of the community doesn't conform sexually.

So before your brain tells you to diss, acknowledge that human nature is just a concept. A standard that we have to conform with. According to different scientific studies, a majority of the human race is only using 5% of their brains. Instead of focusing our 5% on judging others, let's just work towards a brain that works at 100%!

"Judge not, that ye be not judged"

- Matthew 7:1