FAN MAIL FRIDAYS: How to respond to body shamers

Hola, TBJ Beshies! I'm currently brushing up on my digital marketing and social media knowledge this week that's posts haven't been on time as usual; will try to get back on track very soon! But of course, I can't leave you guys without any read at all so here's one from May:

Hi Ms. Martha,
First of all, I'd like to say that I'm a huge fan of your blog; I've been a reader since 2011 and have been reading since; I'm also happy to know that you're finally doing Youtube and Facebook videos now; so nice to finally hear your voice and see the woman behind one of the best blogs in PH in action!
I am also following your fitness journey; how I wish I can lift like you. This leads me now to my question: How do you respond to body shamers? I am not overweight, but I am big boned and have a bit of fat here and there; I work out three times a week either by running, boxing, and when my schedule permits, I join hiking trips with friends. I've been living an active lifestyle for quite some time now, but my body is naturally thick and on the heavy side (blame it on genetics as well).
Some of my friends and worse, family members would always make fun of my body and say "Nagwoworkout ka ba talaga?" or "Ang laki laki mo parin kahit nagwoworkout ka." or "Dapat siguro more workout and more diet ka." It's frustrating to hear it from people who are dear to you and maddening at the same time because you want their support and they also have no idea what I'm going through internally and physically when I work out for them to say that; there are a lot of times I want to give up, but I still persist.
You seem to be a very confident person that's why I look up to you. So I just want your advice on how to deal with body shamers. I can't get rid of them because unfortunately, they're family!
May

Hi May!

Thank you very much for being a fan! I'm so happy that you've been supporting me since 2011 and no kidding when I say I would definitely love to meet you soon; I hope to see you in my upcoming workshops and anniversary parties, alright?

Can I let you in on a secret? I'm not always as confident as I seem on social media.

There are times when my monkey brain gets the best of me when it comes to body image issues; I worry about what other people think and even if I work out and know that I am physically fit, I still let little comments like "You look bigger now than before!" get to me. I know that my work out plays a huge part in shaping my body and it's not always a case of being unfit and fat, but sometimes, I think otherwise.

We are all a work in progress indeed. I get a lot of body shaming comments like you and unfortunately, from family members as well, but I've learned to deal with them better now. I still can be better at it though, but I'm on my way there.

These are the three things I do when I encounter body shaming comments:

1. IGNORE

- This is perhaps the hardest thing to do when you hear body shaming comments, especially when they're frequent. As I said in my blog before, the Art of Dedma is probably one of the most important skills I have learned in my life.

Learning to ignore is never easy, especially when you hear all the hateful comments and unsolicited advice all the time. It's a culmination of various skills like learning how to walk away, to filter comments, and to choose your battles. To let you grasp this concept more, when I receive a hateful comment, especially from someone I know, I assess in my head what this person's track record in conversations is, their line of reasoning, and if the comment is worthy of responding to or not, then I choose to just shrug it off or respond, but make sure to not allow the conversation to carry on.

As for strangers, it's easy; delete, block, forget, and carry on. ;)

2. CALL THEM OUT

- Calling out people on body shaming is a hard thing to do, but sometimes necessary because PEOPLE.ARE.NOT.ALWAYS.AWARE.OF.THEIR.ACTIONS. This is especially useful if you receive some unsavory comments about your weight from your best friend, partner, or any person you're okay to be vulnerable to. People sometimes don't quite grasp the severity of their actions, therefore they need to be called out, but do so in a nice, civil way to encourage a healthy conversation and inspire change.

3. LAUGH IT OUT

- Some things, you need to treat seriously, but I also believe that some things in life are just best laughed out; when people say mean stuff and give unsolicited advice about my weight, I just laugh it out and think that only I know what I'm doing and what's happening to my body, and their comments don't hold any water. No use wasting my time discussing one- sided comments.

I hope this has been useful to you. I hope that one day, you find yourself at peace with your body.

**Got a burning question on beauty, makeup, skin care, life, blogging, career, fitness, relationships, marriage, or anything under the sun? Email me at martha.stabarbara@yahoo.com, message me via Contact Form, or send me a message at THE BEAUTY JUNKEE OFFICIAL FACEBOOK FAN PAGE.