FAN MAIL FRIDAYS: My friends poke fun at my skin color. Should I be offended?

Hello from sunny San Diego, California! I'm celebrating my birthday here and I can't wait to share all my adventures and travel tips with you when I get back! But first, here's another interesting Fan Mail Fridays from Regina and today, we're going to talk about skin color and why it's not okay to make fun about it.

Hi Ms. Martha,
I just wanna ask you something. I have dark skin because I'm half African and Filipina. My friends would always poke fun at my skin color; they're my friends and I can tolerate it, but sometimes, they get a bit overboard. Jokes like "Ano ba yan ang dilim mo kasi!" are a frequent occurrence. I love them and they're not as bad as you may think based on this letter, but sometimes, I just want to tell them to tone it down.
Do you think it's okay for friends to poke fun at one's skin color? Am I being sensitive or should I just shrug it off?
Regina

Hi Regina,

First of all, thank you for trusting me with your problem. I can relate to you in a lot of ways. Just like you, I've been a laughing stock during my teenage years by my family and friends because of my skin color, unfortunately.

"Ano ba yan ang itim mo. Paano ka sisikat niyan?"

"Mas maganda ka if maputi ka"

"Si Martha taga-Africa yan eh."

"Ang itim mo. Paputi ka naman."

These are just some of the comments I've been receiving since teenage years until today. For the longest time, I've thought that my skin color is a mistake and maybe if I were whiter, I would be more beautiful, more successful, and would be more accepted. That's why I went crazy on whitening products when I was a teenager. Thanks to beauty blogging, I've come to accept that my skin color is beautiful, it's not a mistake, and success is dependent on a person's will to achieve it regardless of their skin color.

In terms of inclusivity, we've come a long way. However, discrimination still exists. Unfortunately, we experience it a lot with family and friends.

MAKING FUN OF ONE'S SKIN COLOR IS NOT RIGHT

Let me be clear: MAKING FUN OF ONE'S SKIN COLOR/HAIR/RACE/CULTURE/BELIEFS/ FEATURES/WEIGHT is not right; it is insensitive, rude, disrespectful, and a backward way of thinking. It indirectly contributes to supremacist perspectives and treatments no matter how harmless it is to you. 

Let me make myself an example: allow me to brag; I've come a long way in my career, but family and friends would every now and then comment on my skin color; they'd always find a way to insert a criticism through the form of a joke on my color and also weight in the conversation. Now jokes on one's features don't seem that funny anymore, eh? It seems like no matter how far I've come, to some, I'm still "not there" just because of my weight and skin color.

IT'S COMPLICATED WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Friends have flaws but we love them anyway. It's easy to call out and dismiss other people or even acquaintances when they poke fun at your features, but I know everyone will agree when I say it's harder with friends and most of all, family. You can't just simply shut out your immediate people; in theory you can, but in real life, there's just a whole lot of layers to familial and platonic relationships that one decision can impact you greatly.

HOW DO I HANDLE FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO POKE FUN AT MY FEATURES?

While I can't advise everyone to shut out friends and family for continually making fun of their features because I can't do it myself, I would advise to deal with it by choosing their battles and calling them out when needed. 

As for me, when friends and family poke fun at my color and weight, I either ignore them or completely change the topic to make it known that I am not interested in or tolerating that kind of conversation; sometimes, I poke fun at them too because I am a firm believer of laughing out things; and when it gets too much sometimes, I call them out.

If you feel offended by these things, then you should definitely acknowledge what you feel and talk it out with your friends and family.

Handling friends and family who make fun of your features is a complex situation; while I do think that you can deal with them, I'm still for calling out people when they are misbehaving--friends and family included.

Hope you liked this post and I hope I was able to help you out, Regina!

How about you? How do you handle friends and family when they poke fun at your features?

**Got a burning question on makeup, beauty, skin care, fitness, career, relationships, marriage, or anything under the sun? Message me via Contact Form, email me at martha.stabarbara@yahoo.com, or send me a message at THE BEAUTY JUNKEE OFFICIAL FACEBOOK FAN PAGE.