FAN MAIL FRIDAYS: 6 Ways To Get To 6 Years


Of course I wouldn't end the week without your much- awaited Fan Mail Fridays blog post. Just been very busy today so sorry for the late post. But sometimes, it's better late than never, right? :D

Who's up for some relationship advice? :) I could sense your digital excitement! The question is from Athena and she asks:

Hi Martha! 
This is not beauty- related, but I hope you'd still pick it for your Fan Mail Fridays posts.
I've been a silent stalker of your blog and Instagram for over 3 months now. Your blog is literally a bible about beauty and I think you already answered whatever beauty dilemma I have. (If something comes up and I don't see an answer in your blog, I'll definitely ask you about it!) Now my question is a lil' personal, but I hope you don't mind. :) 
I know you and your boyfriend are happy with your relationship (It shows in your IG photos!). I have a BF and we are a fairly new couple. (4 months to be exact) I know it's too early to tell that he's already my forever, but all I know is I want our relationship to last because he's very different from my ex-bfs. My question is, how do you make a relationship last without that burned out feeling? What do you do precisely to stay happy with your partner? I'd definitely appreciate your reply. I hope to bump into you soon! 
Athena


Hi Athena!

Nice question! I hope to bump into you soon-it would be awesome if the scenario is, I'm with my BF and you are with yours. Double date, perhaps? :D

To be honest, I had doubts about answering your question because my Bf and I's past was very bumpy and imperfect. Then I realized, there's no perfect relationship anyway and being together for 6 years is a feat considering that we are both good looking. (Alright, kids, I'm tripping. You can shoot me now hahahaha!)

I won't tell you how to reach the settling down stage because personally, I'm not there yet. What I can tell you is how you and your boyfriend can last for a long time, possibly 6 years, like me and my BF. (It's quite long already in my books!) 

Click READ MORE for the 6 ways. :)

Photo Credits: rock.rapgenius.com



1. DON'T EXPECT YOU'LL LAST FOREVER

- Shocking? To tell you frankly, this is the best way to make your relationship last forever, or for a very long time at the very least. (It worked for me) At first, when my BF and I were talking about being together forever, it was sweet and I hoped that the mushy conversations would never end. But people get tired. People get scared. Above all, people change. A few months before graduating from college, my BF and I were already planning about marriage. You know? All those shiz about cars, emergency funds, housing, pregnancy and kid funds. All of a sudden, I became anxious and worried-forever seemed like a beautiful concept a few years back, but it just dawned on me: My decisions have changed. My feet wanted to tread a different route. I didn't want forever anymore. I just wanted now. It was a painful decision, but we had to drift apart for a while to reorganize our thoughts and for us to be clearer when we finally talk again to pin things down. After a few months, we got back together and we're now happier. We both agreed that Now is better than Forever, but at some point, we have to decide. Works for me, works for him. Forever is a series of Nows so just play it cool, have fun, and just add a lil' bit of seriousness. Like what they say: Just go with the flow.

Photo Credits: committed-4-life.com

2. FIND A COMMON INTEREST

- You could both collect gaming cards, travel, take up voice lessons, learn a new instrument, or engage in sports. Up to you. What's important is you should both find a common interest that you can talk about and do all day long together. It shows that you support each other, and it gives the both of you a sense of belongingness.

Photo Credits: stevewright.info

3. STOP COMPARING THE PAST AND THE PRESENT

- When a relationship is new, everything just seems too good to be true: You're together 24/7, he's always waiting for you to finish dressing up then take you to work, and he always sends you a text message every hour. You have to reconcile with the fact that all relationships start this way and plateaus somewhere in the middle and finally requires work-that's the reality of any relationship so don't complain. If he's not consistent already, don't conclude that he doesn't love you anymore and start nagging and recounting the past-like you, he also has a life and responsibilities that he has to attend to. If he still tells you I Love You, makes an effort to see you at least once or twice a week, or ends the day with a sweet sms, be happy with that-it doesn't mean he loves you less-he's just starting to balance his own life and his life with you.

Photo Credits: romanticactoftheday.blogspot.com

4. IMPROVE EACH OTHER

- The person who sticks to your life and memory is always the one who has improved you physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I don't know what you have in mind, but start journeying together on a path that will improve your lives. Exercising together is a good start.

Photo Credits: devatude.com

5. TAKE SOME TIME OFF FROM EACH OTHER

- People end their external relationships because they have completely forgotten about their most important relationship of all: With themselves. Go out without him once in a while and chill in a coffee shop. Embark on a getaway with your family, friends, or yourself. At some point, you'll just miss him and you can't wait to be with him again, plus you'll be able to tell him tons of interesting stories.

Photo Credits: blogs.uoregon.edu

6. BE SPIRITUALLY ALIGNED

- I read somewhere that at the end of the day, people will still live and desire for a healthy spirituality. Mind you, spirituality is different from religiosity and don't ever force him to acquire your religious beliefs! Find a cause that interests the both of you. Explore a common belief and discover it together. Whatever it is, it should be something that enriches your individual spirit. Being aligned spiritually doesn't mean you have to believe in the same things all the time-just the mere fact that the both of you are willing to grow your spirituality will already make a significant difference. When the both of you are whole in spirit, you just build a better, happier, and longer relationship.

So that's my list. This is not a list that will work for everyone though-the outcome of your relationship still depends on you. Just be sensitive enough to know if it's still working or not! :)

**Got a burning question about makeups, skin care products, beauty, dieting, and health tips, relationships, and whatever? Just send them to martha.stabarbara@yahoo.com or shoot 'em up at The Beauty Junkee's FB Fan Page via the MESSAGE button and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. (Please, do not send me Math- related queries. :D)

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Beauty. Fitness. Fashion. Food. Travel. Unicorns. World Peace. Digify Corporation.

7 Lovely Thoughts

  1. amazing! i got touched with this post :) this post is a post which i'm sure came from the deepest part of your heart :) now i'm envy to have a boyfriend. haha. but kudos to you and your boyfie for the 6 years you're together :) <3 <3 <3

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  2. I kept smiling while reading number 1. I'm graduating college soon and yun din ang pinaguusapan namin ni BF - yung Forever. Yes, we call it that too. :) I don't know.. I think it's just comforting to know na even if you drift apart for a while.. when you decided to shift directions.. it's still going to be okay. :)

    I've been following and reading your blog for a year now but I rarely leave comments. Anyway, thanks for this post. :))

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  3. No.4 is so true. :) Tama yon.
    I might add that number 1 shocked me though at some point this will be effective. :)

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  4. Puno ng puso ang post na ito. Very meaningful and touching at the same time. Made me analyze my current relationship, we are into 7 years of our relationship and no. 1 struck me really hard. Since we had our son a few years back, my guy and I were really pressured to be the perfect parents and couple. We are fighting hard to be together forever for our son. But it just made our relationship more rocky, we were pissed off with just minor flaws of each other, petty quarrels make us dig deep from past quarrels. Honestly, we are now in the lowest point in our relationship all because we were trying hard and forgot all about what brought us together; our love for music, movies, food, and just being silly together.

    OMG. I made a nobela na yata, pero this post made me realize that we have now and that's better than happy ending. :)

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  5. No is so true.. in my case, kahit kasal na kayo.. dumadating at dumaraan pa rin ang napakadaming challenges sa buhay.. financially at emotionally.. dumarating yung mga pagsubok na minsan gusto mong sukuan.. pero hindi dapat kasi nangako nga kayo sa isat isa ng "Til death do us part" minsan naiisip ko din "baka hindi nga kami" pero wala namang masama kung magtry pa din for another chance..

    samin ni mike,, madami kaming pinagdaanan.. dumadating yung point na talagang sinasabi ko, ayoko na.. pero pag tinatanong ko sarili ko, hindi ko magawang mag-gveup kasi mahal ko sya, at di man nasasabi pa ni baby na mahal nya daddy nya alam ko dahil sa mga munting bagay na pinapakita nya kahit di nya madalas nakakasama ang daddy nya talagang habol sya sa daddy nya may pagkaselosa pa nga kesa sakin.. (you see her naman na, ang batang kulot)

    i really admire those who is in a relationship for so long.. pero hindi rin yun nagiging basehan para magtagal..

    i have seen cases sa mga friends ko na naging bf-gf sila from hs to collage-hanggang sa nagwowork na.. pareho nilang firsts ang isat isa but after the marriage.. after having a child.. nagseparate din sila..

    kahit yung kaoffice mate ko na long distance relationship for almost 15 years.. di rin sila nagkatuluyan.. sad but true.. tama ka din ms m.. people changes as time goes by..

    for No.2 we have the common interest sa sports: BASKETBALL dun kami nagkakilala din.. and until now we love watching and playing basketball

    for No.3 di ko alam pero ramdam ko nakastick pa rin sya sa past nya dahil ang laking ginawang damage sa kanya ng nakaraan nya.. pero hoping in time makalimutan at makamoveon din sya.. alam ko di ganun kadali..

    for No.4 siguro naman i have done a little thing para mabago nya yung mga ugaling dapat mabago.. at kahit konti nagmature kahit pano (as per his mom)

    for No.5 applicable ata samin ito at napakadalas.. me and my baby live with my parents sya naman kasama ang mama nya so parang magbf-gf lang kami pero in time we would settle sa isang bubong..

    for No.6 naman naniniwala ako na sa bawat relasyon, you have to put God in the middle.. this works..

    haba na tuloy na nasabi ko ms m.. =) i love this post.. nakakarelate kasi.. (sana may part two?) ♥

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  6. This post came so timely, Ms. Martha. My boyfriend and I celebrated 7 years last friday, and I have to agree with everything you say in this post. Number 1 especially. My friends always ask me when I'll get married, but just because we've been together 7 years doesn't mean we'll last forever. Of course, we love each other and when you've loved each other for so long you start to feel so secure about the relationship that you don't need an engagement to seal it. Ending up together -- for both of us, that's a given. But we know longer get all mushy about it :)

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  7. Rhain: Wow! I appreciate you for sharing your story! I'm sure it'll also help those who have the same sitch as yours. As for part two, let's see! :D

    Angel: I guess at some point, a relationship evolves for the better, and you and I are experiencing that already. :D Congrats on your 7th year. :)

    Stephanie: It's one of my bf and I's secret. We both love improving each other, especially physically. :)

    Ravene: Awww! I wish you and your bf the best. I'd like to tell you one very nice quote that my bf had told me when we were also in the rocky stage of our relationship: REMEMBER TO ALWAYS REMEMBER. REMEMBER WHAT BROUGHT US TOGETHER, REMEMBER WHAT MADE YOU AND I LOVE EACH OTHER.

    Celline: Welcome, dear. :) Forever is not a bad thing anyway, as long as you don't take it seriously! :D

    Mary: You're welcome! :)

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Thank you for your comments!