Choose A Man with ambition

A friend of mine was with a guy for about 2 or 3 years. Whenever I would see them, they seemed to be so happy and so into each other. I was single back then and whenever I would look at them, I would daydream about finding the same guy whom I am passionately in love with and can spend hours laughing at the most mundane things.

One day, they broke up.

"Why did you guys break up?" I asked her.

"I was the one who broke up with him." She replied.

"But why? You guys seemed so happy. You both look good together. You even mentioned sex was fantastic!" I probed.

"Because he had no ambition. He's always living in the moment and I had plans to go places. I realized, I'm not willing to stay and just wait for things to happen." She replied.

I was saddened. Because I always love hearing happy endings, especially for friends; their lives are my real life fairy tale, one of the reasons that make me keep on dreaming and holding on to love.

And then I found my own fairy tale, my husband. 12 years into the relationship, I've realized that in order to continuously grow, you have to find a man who is just as ambitious as you, or at least have ambition.

If you're the type who doesn't believe so much in ambition and just believes in living in the moment, then this piece is not for you.

But if you are ambitious or at least dreaming to grow, live a better life, or go places, then I have some useful piece of advice for you.

There is nothing wrong with ambition; it's the catalyst to a better job, salary, disposition, perception of the self, relationships, and ultimately, a better life. We all dream of a better life and to be able to 'get there' we must have a healthy sense of ambition. Once you get into a relationship or get married, the dynamics change; the life and dreams that you're once attaining for yourself, 50% of it, you now share with your partner.

And so does everything else that come with having a partner: the bills, the responsibilities, the work, and all that jazz; it's easy to carry your own bag, but carrying two or more when you finally have children? That's quite some weight.

While I advocate not losing yourself entirely in a relationship, marriage, or family, your lives will still intertwine. It is frustrating when you can't share your dreams of growth with your partner and when you can't find yourself traveling the same road just because they have no ambition. It's hard to grow when the person whom you are sharing your life with just wants to stay wherever they are; apparently, not all things rub off on some people. Eventually, we will know how this story will end.

You can argue that all people have potential and they just need some push; for a sec, let us not confuse potential with ambition. Everyone has an equal amount of potential, but not every one has an equal amount of ambition. I've been in a relationship with a man who has great athletic potential, but wasted it. I've been encouraging him, been patient with him, but eventually I realized, I can't change someone who doesn't want to and I can't grow if the person I am with-possibly the rest of my life-doesn't inspire me to grow.

And I'd like to point out something important: couples mirror each other a lot; and one of the secrets to a lasting relationship is when you both uplift each other and help each other grow.

But also, at the end of the day, it depends on what you decide to take and live with.

I don't want to take the magic out of falling in love with someone or choosing the right person for you because I still believe that love takes a huge part in all of this; but you have to understand that eventually, relationships need work physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually; and that's the reality; it's not bad, I'm telling you; it's actually beautiful because you discover facets of yourself and you realize, you can actually make something grow and work; and it all starts with a person who wants to grow with you.