FAN MAIL FRIDAYS: Thoughts On Betrothal

I saw the trailer for One More Chance 2 and I'm excited for it! I think everyone's excited for it because it's one of those perfect love stories that everyone can relate to, plus this movie is proof that a simple script with heartfelt acting works; all the time!

Speaking of relationships, our FMF today is all about that and it's from Anne:


Hi Martha!
 My question’s not beauty- related, but I still hope you can share your thoughts on my questions. What are your thoughts about marriage at this point in your life? Do you feel pressured? Have and Randy talked about this and have the same decision to wait/set a timeline/just let time tell? What do you usually say when people ask you “Kelan ka magpapakasal (when will you get married?)”. I’m asking kasi we’re both the same age and in a long- term relationship, I feel you’ll understand. Thanks in advance!
 Anne


Hey Anne!

I wrote about my thoughts on marriage two or three years ago and judging from that, I was clearly not ready to settle down. Recently, I had a change of heart and my stand now is if Randy proposes, then I'll say YES without even thinking about it just because...LOVE. Geez, now that's age talking!

My BF and I don't feel pressured by anyone to tie the knot; if someone pressures us or just constantly brings up the proposal or wedding, we just joke about it! I admit that sometimes though, I do wonder when or if he will propose, and the age of our relationship gets to me and I wanna do the proposal myself haha! But I realize immediately that things are always better if they happen in God's time. On the brighter side, we can use this time before the wedding to really think if we want to be together forever or not! :p

We've talked about our wedding for a couple of times already and as for the timeline, I'll leave that to him and let him surprise me. But being the calculative people that we are, we're thinking of tying the knot in two or three years, but that really depends; I don't want to calculate this one too much and take the fun out of it so let's just say we'll do it when we're ready; There are also a lot of factors to consider such as our finances, professional commitments, preparedness, housing, and all the shiz that comes with and gets affected by settling down; My thoughts about marriage may have changed already, but I stand by the fact that I really, really, really want to be ready (most especially, financially!) for it when the time comes.

Anne, if others are pressuring you to get married just because of age and how long you and your beau have been together, just think that marriage is a bond and commitment between you and your partner-not you and the crowd. ;)

**Got a burning question about makeups, skin care products, beauty, dieting, and health tips, relationships, and whatever? Just send them to martha.stabarbara@yahoo.com or shoot 'em up at The Beauty Junkee's FB Fan Page via the MESSAGE button and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. (Please, do not send me Math- related queries. :D)

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20 Lovely Thoughts

  1. Great post! I am only 22 and marriage is still far ahead of me. Me and my boyfriend would talk about it but never too seriously. It will come when it comes. Also, I agree with you. Couples often succumb to pressures from their family but in the end, this is about you and your partner. For me, marriage is like just changing your status but you're still the same couple as you were when you first became one. Sure there will be more responsibilities but it all boils down on how well you communicate with your partner and how well you handle things. But hey, who am I to give an advice? I'm still a long way to go from getting married. For now, I do my best to live in the present, be in the moment. Thanks for this post!

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    1. Welcome. :) Get married for love, not for society. :)

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  2. I may be young still at 22 but my boyfriend and I are asked about marriage already. We've been together for many years people have known us. We've been public about us being together and luckily both are parents approved of it. A lot of our batchmates either have children already or have wed. So when asked when will we tie the knot, I just don't answer. I don't want to pressure my bf by saying the age I wanted to get married. I wanted us to be financially stable first of all. With our status right now, I'm pretty sure we're emotionally and psychologically ready for it. And in a year or so, will be financially ready as well. We've talked about it seriously and we have plans. But who knows what happens in between. :)

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    1. True! Have an idea of the future, but stay present. :)

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  3. It's true that sometimes people around you adds pressure about getting married. That happens to me 2 years ago at age of 26 though I want to marry on my 28th this coming 28th:) 8 years na pala kami and I'm so happy with my life with him and my son!:) anyway, I love One More Chance movie too, it's one of the movie that I keep on watching all over and still get affected. I also bought the book! Popoy and Basha!:)

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    1. happy to know that you're happy with your relationship now. :)

      I wonder what part 2's story is. :D

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  4. It's better to be prepared and marry a little later, than to just go ahead and do it because of societal pressure. I've seen it around me--friends who married in a hurry because they were told that they've been together for too long not to do it already--and it did not end well. I was even told once to marry already as late-twenties is the ideal time to have kids for both mom and baby to stay healthier, but when you're not ready, you're just not ready. In God's time talaga.

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    1. True! I believe that when you are ready, everything just happens. :)

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  5. I am looking forward to the second installment of One More Chance as well! As for marriage, I got married at a young age (21). Although I do not have any regrets with my hubby, I just have these what-ifs- what if I married four or even six more years later? Maybe I could have enjoyed my "dalaga" days even more. But again, I am happy with my life now. :)
    Anne, do not be pressured (although that is hard) and tie the knot when you are really sure and ready. Take it from Miss Martha. Enjoy the ride and that ring and question will soon pop out in no time.

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    1. I think we all end up choosing something because it's what God has planned for us. All we have to do is trust in the journey and that it will lead us to a greater life one day. You're happy with your life now, as you said, so I think that your decision to get married at 21 was just the right one. :)

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  6. I couldn't agree more. Marriage is one of life’s greatest decisions and commitments. It is classic, romantic, sophisticated, and timeless. Though I’m not planning to get married anytime soon, I think your answer is spot on. God bless your relationship and future married life! :* Thanks for sharing! ~Starr

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    1. Welcome, Starr. Finally! You're blogging! :)

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  7. Marriage. This is one of the most hardest thing to decide (at least for me) but things happens so quickly.. I really love how you answer this question, yes we should always consider a lot of things especially those things that you really needed when you get in (marriage) financial stability is on top (preparedness: house, yes you really need this to build your own home "family") I really love how people nowadays think (one of our discussion last week)

    Most of the people i've known, prefer travelling (touring inside and out of the country) invest in themselves (like attending a lot of seminar that can boost their skills) and others prefer investing before settling for good. (and yes i wish i have thought about this before)

    Now i have to work hard for my little-me so that i can provide for her, I may not be a perfect mom but i'am striving to be the best mom for my little darling

    Stay in love Ms M!

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    1. Thanks dear. I'm sure you're doing just fine as a mom to your little angel. :)

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  8. heyyy this is my FMF! Thank for answering Martha, definitely helped!
    Most of my high school and college classmates are either married or have kids already, and we're like 10 or 20 left who are still single and no kids yet and I'm like, "is there a note somewhere that you have to have kids/married at a certain age?". I thought of preparing for my future before settling down and not the other way around like the others are telling me. judging by the comments here, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that way! :)

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    1. It's a sign of the times I guess: More and more people are seeing the value of saving up before settling down. :)

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  9. Marriage is a permanent commitment. You're correct Ms.M. Couple should be 100% sure of what they truly feel if he/she wants to get married. I am 25 and planning to get married next year. It really pressure me not because of the commitment, but the expenses on the wedding day! Haha. I think I am in the right age na. But I still adore those who have been in a long term relationship. They are enjoying each others company without pressuring themselves na "sobrang tagal na natin, need na natin magpakasal"! Pero hindi naman nagpopropose si guy formally. Well, I do hope na magpropose na si kuya Randy sayo soon! I wonder how would you look like sa wedding day mo, and you know, magboblog ka na as "wife". hehe

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    1. Same! Money is always the biggest pressure. :D

      When Randy proposes, you guys will definitely know! :D

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  10. "Marriage is a bond and commitment between you and your partner - not you and the crowd." This is so true! My father said this to me when he found that I have a boyfriend of 3 years after we graduated. I think it's also true for marriage. I also think that if people would tease "you" about being married, I think that they're also concerned especially for the women since getting pregnant at a late age may be risky.

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  11. You're right, Ms. Martha. Marriage is a commitment, and you can't be haphazardly deciding to get married in a hurry. It will be up to you guys to decide when. I wish you and Randy the best in the near future. I am in my 30s, still single, and I feel that the right time will come for me in the near future. So I am not losing hope, and keeping my fingers crossed for Mr. Right to come while I am keeping busy with things in my life.

    I have a friend who's in Canada right now, and she got married in her forties. The guy she got married with, is in his late fifties, and a confirmed bachelor forever till he met her in a cruise ship where she's working. The cruise ship docked, they got off the ship, and saw each other again in the church after their intiial meeting in the ship. They got married, and currently living in the countryside in Canada facing the challenges of weather, far flung neighbors, culture shock, getting lost with her dog Sunshine in the snow while taking a walk....In other words, it's not going to be smooth sailing, but it will be worth it all (despite the challenges) when you're walking together side by side with the one you love, looking together towards the future. Sorry for the long post. Have a great day Ms. Martha!

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Thank you for your comments!