FAN MAIL FRIDAYS: You don't like yourself too much. Now what?

Great Friday to you, beshies! Please don’t forget to join TBJ 10^TH MEGA ANNIVERSARY. We’re already one week into this and three more weeks to go and I’ll be drawing the 70 VIPs who will attend the giveaway. It’s going to be fun: we’ll have great talks from me and my guest speakers, P3,000++ worth of beauty products per guest, unlimited coffee, sweet bites from Taste of Angel, and a very good time. Hope to see you!

Our FMF for today is quite personal, but something that we’ve all experienced at some point in our lives or for some, on a daily basis:

Dear Miss Martha, I hope you don’t mind my question; it can come off as a bit of a shock, but I’ll try anyway. Most days, I don’t really like myself. I can go on and on in front of the mirror everyday about the things I don’t like about myself: I hate my hair; it’s puffy and dry. I wish I could lose more weight. My glasses get in the way of everything, but I won’t be able to see if I take it off; well actually, I can go for contact lens, but I don’t really like my eyes and the way they twitch when I’m nervous. I am pale AF and it will take heaven and hell to come together so I can get a decent tan; I wanna be tan to add a bit of color to my skin; I look sickly as hell. Sorry if that’s a bit negative, but I just have to let it out and ask: how do you un-hate yourself? I have a makeup and skin care regimen, but I don’t think it’s enough. Most days, when I don’t like myself, I also wish that I would just stop and like myself a little bit more. Thanks for the time. -Missinterpret

Hi Missinterpret,

Thank you for sharing your story. I love getting messages like this because it humanizes the beauty experience; the things we see online in the beauty world can sometimes be superficial, impersonal, and lack soul, but it’s in little stories like this that make me realize that beauty is after all, a personal journey and that’s what makes it intriguing, exciting, inspiring, and still worth pursuing.

I may come off as a confident Beauty Blogger and Miss I-got-it-all-figured-out, but when the camera shuts down and I put down my smartphone, I'm just like anybody else; I sometimes hate my thighs because I can't fit into cheap pants; my hair is very frizzy and how I wish it can hold curls; I don't like my nails because I nail bite; my skin is fugly right now because of adult onset acne and I'm still hoping that my old, super clear skin would come back. Just like you, when I look in the mirror, there are things that I don't like about myself too.

Now what? What do we do about it? As someone who's been struggling with these everyday, I've learned not only to cope, but to free myself little by little everyday too through these two steps:

1. ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU DON'T LIKE YOURSELF TOO MUCH (OR NOT AT ALL)

- If you've seen the Pixar movie Inside Out, one memorable scene there for me was when Happy told Sad that she's also important because she is one of the vital emotions. Sad always wants to run away because nobody likes her, but without her, there would be an imbalance. When Sad realized this, she happily acknowledged her role and realized that she's just as important as the rest of the emotions. :D

The first step to liking/loving and freeing yourself from your own judgment is to acknowledge that you don't like/love yourself.

It's okay to admit that there are things you don't like about yourself...or if you don't like yourself at all. Society taught us to only focus on the good and deny the bad, but the bad will always be there; acknowledging the latter and working on it is one of the key factors to a happier life. How can you free yourself from something that you don't accept as truth and how can you work on something when you deny its existence?

Take a look at yourself in the mirror; think, say, write down all the things you don't like about yourself, acknowledge them and know that it's okay because you are human and you are not alone in this journey; this will jumpstart your transformation.

2. THINK OF IMPROVEMENTS AND WORK AROUNDS

- I realized, there are things you can improve and the rest, you can't and just work around them.

What are the things that you can improve? Write it down and opposite it are the small, actionable steps that you can take everyday to improve or eliminate those things.

What are the things that can't be changed, but can definitely be dealt with? Write it down and opposite it are the alternatives or steps that you can take to minimize any negative impact. For example: you have naturally big, curly hair that takes so long to groom; alternatives and steps can be waking up earlier so you have more time to fix your hair, committing to a hair care routine that makes your hair type more manageable, or keep it at a certain length that you think is easier to groom.

Change what you can and those that you can't, don't swim against it; go with the flow and use the flow to make your journey easier for you.

I hope this has helped you, Missinterpret and also you, dear TBJ Beshies, who find yourselves in the same situation.

Have an awesome weekend. :)

**Got a burning question on beauty, makeup, cosmetics, fragrance, skin care, blogging, career, marriage, wedding, or anything under the sun? Send me a message via Contact Form, email me at martha.stabarbara@yahoo.com, or shoot me a message at THE BEAUTY JUNKEE OFFICIAL FACEBOOK FAN PAGE.